Access Denied

So I have deleted over half of my posts. It just had to be done. Too many complaints about the content. I will no longer be able to use past experience to give possible solutions. I'll figure something else out though. Later.

What a terrible title

So I start this under the title when did I forget and forgot what I started writing about. I'm losing my damn mind. It's now time to get back on track. I have been just copying and pasting the beginnings of the books I've written and stopped writing new shit all together. So we covered the unkeepable promise, I have made a new promise to myself in my last post. I will do for me from now on. That's just the way it is. I'm pretty damned tired of being walked on by other people. The number of people who do so is dwindling, but there are still some that relentlessly try. To anyone who tries to, I say go fuck yourself. I have a new path in life. I am setting my own course and sticking to it now. I am not sure where it will lead, I don't know if it will fork, But I know I won't be walking off the side of the trail anymore. I will come up with some goals soon and we will see how I get there or if I fail to reach them. Or I will get bored and forget this site exists. It's possible. You know that if you know me. I could lose interest before I finish this post. LOL. I'll try not to though. Later ya'll. Let's see where this goes from here.

Number 1

Day after day, month after month, year after year I have worried about everyone but myself. From here on out I am looking out for number one. I'm doing for me and my daughters. Noone else anymore. I'm done trying to make myself what will make everyone else happy. It's time to be me, the real me again. I'm not giving that up again.

Too little time to worry about this shit!! Let go.

To me, to love someone is to trust that you can do whatever they say and know that no matter how crazy it is you will be OK. That the person you love whom loves you back would not ever tell or ask you to do something that you will regret or be hurt by. It doesn’t matter what they ask you to do because if they truly love you they will never ask you to do something self destructive or hurtfull. This is something I look for in the women I go out with. If they are jealous of an ex wife who stands no chance of being with me, or children that will forever be a major part of my life then there is no sense in moving forward. I began dating a woman that I did not speak to about any of this. Her and I moved forward with our relationship and are now madly in love. She has said one or two things that say she is worried about the ex wife’s involvement in my life, but has not really pushed the envelope on it. It seems she understands that I am not interested in anyone else, that she is the one I want, but that she is still slightly worried about someone who was more than just a girlfriend. Understandably she is not a fan of someone her boyfriend spent every day and night of three years with, someone that he called his wife. That could be the problem that I have with the guy she spent every day and night of five years with. I know she wants me and she’s going nowhere, but with the amount of times I have been burned I have to wonder when I will ever stop worrying. It is the same with her, she knows I would never cheat on her, but she also worries about someone because of their title and how many times she has been burned. I get that.
Ya’ll, if you got someone like I do and you truly love them like I live my woman, give it up. forget about all the other bullshit and enjoy being with her. Love her and pray from the bottom of your soul that it lasts and you never have to say goodbye. Goodbye is forever. Remember that.

The beginning of my new ending

One of many to come i promise. lol. I was unsure as to where to start this, but the words I promise are burning into my brain. The very phrase I have used so many times. The same phrase that has gotten me burned and defeated time and again. Hahaha. What Irony. To promise you will do something is one thing. To promise an outcome where you are not in control of all variables is foolish. I often promise and outcome based on an assumption that the other variables I do not have control over will simply copmply and magically form their way into where they need to fit into my plan. Foolish. That is the only word to discribe an event such as that.
As many people do, I am starting this because of a promise I made that was broken by someone else. It's an interesting concept really when you think about it. waiting is mind numbing, however speculation is enough to drive you insane. Assumptions often do make an ass of u and me. lol. Cute phrase... until that phrase is not true. When you assume something and you are right it can either be a great feeling or an agonizing one. When you are correct in assuming something amazing will happen you feel like you are amazing yourself. However, when you are correct in assuming something terrible has happened it can cause a deep seeded hatred within yourself.
When you sit at home alone, trapped inside your own mind, wanting out because it is so painful, you just pray your imagination is completely wrong. You try to explain away the feelings you are having. You want to flea yet feel as though you are trapped at the bottom of a well and the only way out is to tunnel through and venture through the depths of hell itself. What a rush! I wish. When you find that your imagination is correct you are screwed. Work suffers, your wallet suffers with it. Family suffers and worst yet you suffer.
Anyway, as I said in the first sentence; this is the first post of many. I promised. I am in control of the variables involved in this promise. Stay tuned.........